Friday, November 19, 2004

National Treasure -- NOT!

It doesn't look like Stephen Holdon of the New York Times cared much for National Treasure. I guess we'll be waiting for the Da Vinci Code.
If "National Treasure" mattered at all, you might call it a national disgrace...

qv: NYTimes.com: Movie Review: National Treasure

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Today marks the culmination of Phil Fest!

As you can see in previous posts, I have honored some friends with Phil Fest tributes of original limericks. Then, just to even the score, I had to write one about my own vain attempts to rhyme.

As is our custom there will be lingering Phil Fest activities in the coming weeks including a Phil Fest North celebration to occur north of the Mason Dixon line on or about the traditional Thanksgiving Holiday. I guess those northern types just want to give thanks for having me in their lives. Who can blame them?

Don't forget the leitmotif of this year's Phil Fest...
The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything is... Forty-Two.

qv: Ultimate Answer Theme of This Year's Phil Fest

Phil's Limerick

On sausages did Phil try to rhyme,
kielbasa he opined sublime!
But his verses on wurst,
were the absolute worst,
and no publisher would pay him a dime.

The Linda Limerick

My blushing young bride naméd Linda.
Is the woman I'm really most fonda'.
But no cigars may I smoke
in the house. It's no joke!
To our vows she's added addenda!

The Mike Limerick

A randy young swinger named Mike
his last date just called him a strike.
He asked for a ball,
but got no where at all,
and now he's taking a hike.

The Rama Limerick

The golden fair maiden of Mock
thought more smoothly she'd like to talk.
So she became a toastmaster
and learned to speak faster.
In arguments she's now a hawk.

The James Limerick

A spectre constructor named Mock
would eat nothing that came from a wok.
When making a ghost,
he's the guy with the most,
but fried poultry he shuns with a squawk!

The Paula Limerick

A personable drug dealer named Paula
worked for a boss who was hollow
She told him "I quit!"
and he flew into a snit
Then asked her "Can you work through tomorrow?"

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Veteran's Day 2004 - Kurt Vonnegut Jr.'s Birthday

A thought for today, further contemplating the Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything:
It's the birthday of Kurt Vonnegut Jr., (books by this author) born in Indianapolis, Indiana (1922). He's the author of many novels, including Cat's Cradle (1963), Hocus Pocus (1990) and, most recently, Timequake (1997). His family was descended from German immigrants, and both of his parents were fluent in German, but they did not teach the language to Kurt because he was born at a time when Americans still considered Germans an enemy from World War I. Vonnegut said, "[My parents] volunteered to make me ignorant and rootless as proof of their patriotism."

qv: The Writer's Almanac

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

NBC Pulls 'Father of the Pride'

It's a sad day for us. This was, perhaps, the funniest, most daring show on television.
"We've gotten spanked," Jeff Zucker, president of the NBC Universal Television Group, told the Los Angeles Times...

qv: Reuters: NBC Pulls Father of the Pride

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Fall Brawl IV Results - Wonderboy Stuns Crowd in "Photo" Finish

After seven exciting kickboxing battles had been completed, the capacity crowd at the Simpsonville Activity Center was on its feet for the opening bell of the headline match. Stephen "Wonderboy" Thompson and Jason "Sledgehammer" Reeves came out, touched gloves, exchanged flurries, and got to business - for all of sixty seconds. Just one minute into the first round, Wonderboy was standing and Reeves was on his knees. The crowd was stunned and bewildered. Many, including the fight doctors, couldn't understand why Reeves would not get up. The referee called the fight and then officials, spectators, and the fighters themselves watched the fight on a replay monitor to see what had happened. Only when watching the fight on the monitors could everyone clearly see the lightning fast hard right hand that Stephen had thrown to Reeve's temple. That single punch put Reeve's on the canvas and left Wonderboy extending his professional kickboxing record to 2-0, all wins by knockout.

Complete results of the evening's action:
Bronson "The Drill" Sargent from Douglasville, Georgia, USA (1-0/0, 142, 5'9", 9-7-80, Mike Wood) defeated Osvaldo "The Wiz" Jimenez from Mexico via Simpsonville, South Carolina, USA (0-1/0, 140, 5'2", 7-29-76, Ray Thompson) by unanimous decision 30-25, 28-27 & 28-27. Jimenez lost a point in round 2 & 3 for missing his kicks.

Jared Warren of Bradenton, Florida, USA (3-0/1, 151, 6', 11-20-83, Eric Marshall) defeated Michael Huff from Joelton, Tennessee, USA (0-1, 151, 5'9", 29, Richie Plant) by TKO at 31 seconds of the first round with a spinning backhand.

Becki Halloran of Simpsonville, South Carolina, USA (2-1/1, 137, 5'7", 7-20-71, Ray Thompson) defeated Erin Cantrell of Atlanta, Georgia, USA (4-4/1, 139, 5'5", 6-6-74, Kelly Leo) by TKO at 1:48 of round 2. As referee Dan Stell was stopping the bout, Cantrell's corner threw in the towel. However Stell's back was to the center of the ring and his stop came before the towel was thrown in.

David Lowery of Bradenton, Florida, USA (5-0/1, 178, 6', 3-5-71, Amir Ardebily) defeated Malford Jeter of Brevard, North Carolina, USA (2-2/0, 173, 5'10", 12-27-22, Russell Ziegler) by TKO at 1:41 of round 3.

Evan Thompson of Simpsonville, South Carolina, USA (2-1/1, 197, 6'3", 6-26-84, Ray Thompson) defeated Kit "The Hit" Morrow of Douglasville, Georgia, USA (0-1/0, 197, 5'10", 5-7-75, Mike Wood) by TKO at 1:54 of round 3 with a round kick to Morrow's head.

Brenden "Cash Money" Carpenter of Simpsonville, South Carolina, USA (4-1/2, 208, 6', 2-20-67, Ray Thompson) defeated Christopher Baten of Sumter, South Carolina, USA (0-1/0, 208, 6', 4-22-80, Self) by TKO at 26 seconds of round 3.

Professional Matches:

Zack "Attack" Day of Martinez, Georgia, USA (Pro: 4-1/0, AM: 18-2/7, 5'10", 171) defeated Anthony "Powerhouse" Bartinelli of Phoenix, Arizona, USA (KB: 12-1/11, Pro Boxing: 16-8-2/9, 5'11", 176) by majority decision. Judge Lee Bradan of South Carolina scored it 66-66. Judge Peyton Russell of Minnesota scored it 68-64. Judge Mike Wood of Georgia scored it 67-65. Bartinelli was deducted a point in round 6 for hitting Day in the back of the head after being warned twice by referee Dan Stell. An officials review of the judges scoring on this bout was requested which will take place this coming week. The three unofficial IKF Scorecards at ringside scored it 67-66 Bartanalli, 67-66 Bartanalli, and 67-67 even. after subtracting the point deduction for hitting to the back of the head, the unofficial scorecards read 66-66 even, 66-66 even, and 67-66 Day.

Stephen "Wonderboy" Thompson of Simpsonville, South Carolina, USA (PKB: 2-0/2, AKB: 33-0/18, 190, 6') defeated Jason "Sledgehammer" Reeves of Aberdeen, Mississippi, USA. (PKB: 10-2-1/5, AKB: 14-1/11, 196, 5'11", Self) by Knockout at 1 minute into round 1 with a right hand.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Wonderboy Feature of Tonight's Fall Brawl IV

Fall Brawl IV Fighters, photo by Nill Silver
Tonight, Stephen "Wonderboy" Thompson will take on Jason "Sledgehammer" Reeves in South Carolina's only professional kickboxing action at the Simpsonville Activity Center. Did I mention that this is the featured event for the first Saturday in Phil Fest?

qv: Greenville News - Just For Kicks

Friday, November 05, 2004

Honey! Where's My Super Suit?


We opened Phil fest by attending a public screening of the Incredibles. Doesn't that make it sound special?

Wowzer! What great fun! This really may be the best Pixar film ever. Everyone in our troupe loved the show. The music was fast and fun and every bit of the action was bigger, better, and funnier than anything that could have been done live action.

qv: The Incredibles (website)
qv: Yahoo! The Incredibles (exclusive)
qv: NPR: Bob Mondello Reviews The Incredibles

Ultimate Answer Theme of This Year's Phil Fest

Today is the First Friday in Phil Fest.

For those without proper calendars, Phil Fest begins this Friday, November 5th
and culminates this year on Sunday, November 14th.

I am delighted to announce that the theme of this year's Phil Fest is:
The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything.

To understand why this theme was selected, please take a few moments to read and contemplate the following passage:

Extracted from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,
by Douglas Adams.

"O people waiting in the Shadow of Deep Thought!" he
cried out. "Honoured Descendants of Vroomfondel and
Majikthise, the Greatest and Most Truly Interesting
Pundits the Universe has ever known ... The Time of
Waiting is over!"

Wild cheers broke out amongst the crowd. Flags,
streamers and wolf whistles sailed through the air.
The narrower streets looked rather like centipedes
rolled over on their backs and frantically waving
their legs in the air.

"Seven and a half million years our race has waited
for this Great and Hopefully Enlightening Day!" cried
the cheerleader. "The Day of the Answer!"

Hurrahs burst from the ecstatic crowd.

"Never again," cried the man, "never again will we
wake up in the morning and think Who am I? What is my
purpose in life? Does it really, cosmically speaking,
matter if I don't get up and go to work? For today we
will finally learn once and for all the plain and
simple answer to all these nagging little problems of
Life, the Universe and Everything!"

Two severely dressed men sat respectfully before the
terminal and waited.

"The time is nearly upon us," said one.

"Seventy-five thousand generations ago, our ancestors
set this program in motion," the second man said, "and
in all that time we will be the first to hear the
computer speak."

"An awesome prospect, Phouchg," agreed the first man.

"We are the ones who will hear," said Phouchg, "the
answer to the great question of Life...!"

"The Universe...!" said Loonquawl.

"And Everything...!"

"Shhh," said Loonquawl with a slight gesture, "I think
Deep Thought is preparing to speak!"

There was a moment's expectant pause whilst panels
slowly came to life on the front of the console.
Lights flashed on and off experimentally and settled
down into a businesslike pattern. A soft low hum came
from the communication channel.

"Good morning," said Deep Thought at last.

"Er ... Good morning, O Deep Thought," said Loonquawl
nervously, "do you have ... er, that is..."

"An answer for you?" interrupted Deep Thought
majestically. "Yes. I have."

The two men shivered with expectancy. Their waiting
had not been in vain.

"There really is one?" breathed Phouchg.

"There really is one," confirmed Deep Thought.

"To Everything? To the great Question of Life, the
Universe and Everything?"

"Yes."

Both of the men had been trained for this moment,
their lives had been a preparation for it, they had
been selected at birth as those who would witness the
answer, but even so they found themselves gasping and
squirming like excited children.

"And you're ready to give it to us?" urged Loonquawl.

"I am."

"Now?"

"Now," said Deep Thought.

They both licked their dry lips.

"Though I don't think," added Deep Thought, "that
you're going to like it."

"Doesn't matter!" said Phouchg. "We must know it!
Now!"

"Now?" inquired Deep Thought.

"Yes! Now..."

"Alright," said the computer and settled into silence
again. The two men fidgeted. The tension was
unbearable.

"You're really not going to like it," observed Deep
Thought.

"Tell us!"

"Alright," said Deep Thought. "The Answer to the Great
Question..."

"Yes...!"

"Of Life, the Universe and Everything..." said Deep
Thought.

"Yes...!"

"Is." said Deep Thought, and paused.

"Yes...!"

"Is."

"Yes...!!!...?"

"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty
and calm.

qv: BBC: The Ultimate Answer
More Phil Fest Updates to follow...

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

It's Election Day... Vote MAD!



A bit of election day goofery from the adolescent masters of satire...
qv: Mad Magazine's Election 2004 Poster